Right now, mornings are the worst. I wake up....my first thought is that nothing has changed and Emily is still gone. I worry about how often I am going to think about her being gone and I try to plan how I am going to keep myself busy so I don't have to acknowledge how empty my life feels without her. She isn't here anymore.
Yesterday, my husband and I went to market. (a place for retailers to buy merchandise wholesale) We went to Enesco and I took pictures of all the Jim Shore Disney stuff they had. Then, I realized there wasn't anyone to send those pictures to because she isn't here anymore.
The days go on and everyday there is a realization of events that will happen that she won't be a part of. I will never be an Aunt to her babies. (the ones she wanted so badly) She will never see my daughter get married or graduate. We will not grow old together. She isn't here anymore.
I just don't know how I am going to live with the fact that SHE ISN'T HERE ANYMORE!
I miss her so desperately!!!
I read about the grieving process so I could prepare myself, but it hasn't helped. In truth, I don't know where I am in the grieving process. I just know that I miss Emily so much it literally is making me sick! I don't know how I am going to be able to fill the hole her leaving has left in my life.
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Hang in there sweetie, it's a long process and really it is still very fresh. With how close you guys were, it will take some time for you to heal. {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteI know you are right. Actually, blogging has been helpful. It also helps me to feel connected to her. As long as people continue to read my blog she can live on.
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